


40 Things Not to Do on a SAS Base

by Ash_Cassidy97



Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: All of these rules have been tried and tested, Gen, Humor, Lists, seriously-think about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 05:59:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3163874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ash_Cassidy97/pseuds/Ash_Cassidy97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what the title says.</p>
            </blockquote>





	40 Things Not to Do on a SAS Base

**Author's Note:**

  * For [morbidcassanova](https://archiveofourown.org/users/morbidcassanova/gifts).



> This links to another story of mine. Link here:http://archiveofourown.org/works/2567507
> 
> I managed to find the list after almost five years. Yeah, my filing skills are awesome. Read: I keep all my pet projects. Seriously, somebody should buy me a scanner.
> 
> thelightwithin helped me with this list or one similar(could only find the one). #I blame and dedicate everything to thelightwithin.

 

  1. walk onto a gun range and realize that your gun isn't on your person
  2. Real guns can’t be substituted with water guns.

  3. or nerf guns

  4. die on your partner, you should die on your own time

  5. taking coffee and other forms of caffeine from people is a great way to painfully commit suicide

  6. saying “what’s the worst that can happen?” or “nothing bad is gonna happen” will get you slapped

  7. drugging a highly trained SAS soldier and assassin, then posting it on Youtube in every language you know is not a good idea

  8. dubbing it is not a good idea either

  9. nor is pasting bad music over the video

  10. asking Alex Rider why he isn't happy is a great way to get shot

  11. Giving Eagle caffeine will cause the SAS to lock me up in a tiny room with a hyper soldier

  12. Don’t give caffeine, beer, candy or coffee to Eagle. Basically, don't feed the Eagle

  13. Dyeing SAS pink in an approach to “lift moral” should not happen. (if it is technically camouflaged.

  14. Asking Alex Rider “do you love Yassen?”, isn't a good idea

  15. don't replace the flag poles with strip poles

  16. bugling

  17. Britney Spears on the speakers

  18. Replace weapons with nerf everything (nerf guns, knives, swords etc.)

  19. steal hot water

  20. Spandex anything

  21. stealing people’s food

  22. insulting the cook

  23. kissing the cook

  24. calling your superior anything else than “sir” (ex: honey, honey cake, honey floor, pudding, deary, darling, sweaty, sweetheart, sugarplum, dirt, shithead, fucktard, manboobs etc.)

  25. take off clothes in front in public or in private (excluding strip poker and changing)

  26. faking blood

  27. faking orgasms(although nobody knows why you would need to do that? Because you shouldn't be having sex with fellow soldiers)

  28. photo bombing with actual bombs

  29. even if they're small bombs that only contain pink glitter

  30. insulting somebody’s parents(they didn't know that Eagle would be such a smart ass and Alex doesn't have anybody)

  31. spanking the Sergeant or any of your fellow soldiers(why the hell would you be doing that?)

  32. pranking the Sergeant

  33. crossdressing

  34. sexapades

  35. lying to medical

  36. lying to superior officers

  37. scaring the new recruits by:

    1. fake blood

    2. stories(real or unreal)

    3. cars

    4. scars

    5. expressions

    6. combat

    7. guns

    8. any skills acquired

    9. strip poker

    10. sexapades(not that you should be having any at all)

  38. threatening anybody’s family

  39. anything pink

  40. replacing all of the camp’s anything with something that is not the exact replica of the original




 


End file.
